Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
