when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
