for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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