Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
