Reggie can tackle my bush.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
