I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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