btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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