I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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