I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
