"it" just moved
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
