i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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