So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
