they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
