My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize