He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
