idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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