To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
