Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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