thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
