i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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