yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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