I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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