Apparently you make a good broom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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