he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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