Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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