i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
