I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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