I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
