Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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