I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
