First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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