i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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