Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
