Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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