It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need a beard to bite.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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