it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't put those talents on a resume
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
