Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize