Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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