Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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