I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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