How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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