just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
