You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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