You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
