You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
