Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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