he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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