he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
