its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
