garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
