I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
