your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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