I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
