Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
