I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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