we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
