We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
