My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
