I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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