We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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