if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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